My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
