Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
