dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
