I wanna passion pit in your ass
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
