Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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