Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
