dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
