Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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