Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have fence marks all over my body
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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