carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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