Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
