At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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