Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
