Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
