My nipple is on Facebook.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
