I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
