remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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