i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
