I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
