We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
