I wish I only lived at night.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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