i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
