How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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