The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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