Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
