What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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