I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
