I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
