dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
