Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
