I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
