Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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