Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize