The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
