I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
