smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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