Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
