pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize