Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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