i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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