I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
