This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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