I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's never too late to be topless.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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