Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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