i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
