I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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