I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
