she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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