Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
