he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I deserve this hangover.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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