is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
