i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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