Apparently you make a good broom.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
