Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
