I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There r osticjed everywhere
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
