my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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