So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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