I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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