man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
