We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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