No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
