508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
