Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i need some magic done to my vagina
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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