The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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