oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
