Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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