i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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