Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
