were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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