My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
my liver is dry heaving
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
