Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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