We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
