I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
