The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
