Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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