what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize