is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
