WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
