i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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